Amber Alert

Awkward Threesome

Everyone’s favorite seven-time Tour de France winner, (You see… You see how I did that. He is the ONLY seven-time Tour de France winner, so therefore he MUST be your favorite) has a new lady love. Lance has recently been spotted out and about with Goldie Hawn replica, Kate Hudson. The two have been taking their relationship to the streets of Austin (spotted at Sushi Restaurant Uchi), and New York, whilst simultaneously denying it on talk shows. I don’t understand why it is so hard to confirm and move on. As we all know, Kate has famously dated actor Owen Wilson, who famously is friends with Lance. I would give my third arm to be there when they all happen to bump into one another. Awkward!

Has Anyone Seen Matthew McConaughey’s Flip Flop?

Seriously. He needs it back. We all know how expensive a pair of flip flops can be. Matthew was recently spotted in San Juan Del Sur, a town in Nicaragua getting his drink on, and his dance on, AND his crazy on. In between surfing Matthew partook in drinking, taking ‘a nap’ in a ditch, being helped out of the bar after a night of dancing, and losing his footwear. Meanwhile, I’m sure his pregnant girlfriend was sitting at home knitting baby clothes. Ironically Matthew’s next film is called Surfer Dude. The plot line according to IMDB is ‘A wave twisting tale of a soul searching surfer experiencing an existential crisis.’ I wonder if this crisis is about losing one’s left flip flop. In closing, I’d like to share a helpful tip for people out there reading. Do NOT mess with the Matthew or he will sic his Malibu surfer gang on you.

Extreme Baldwin

Actor, Reality Star, and Born-again Christian, Stephen Baldwin has been spotted in Austin (at the Starbucks downtown according to the Austin Star Map celebrity spotting page). He’s in town to partake in the AsSALT tour which is happening at PromiseLand Church on East 51st St. this weekend. I think I just may be putting the emphasis on the wrong syllables when I read the name of the tour. The event’s website is littered with descriptive words such as ‘Radical’, ‘Extreme’, ‘Hardcore’, which are all the things I think of when I hear the name Stephen Baldwin. If you read Stephen’s Bio on his website, which I’m sure he wrote himself, he allegedly is one of the best and busiest actors, as well as one of the most sought-after male talents in film. I’m sure he just keeps on turning down these amazing scripts, because he has much better things to do, like appear on Celebrity Apprentice with Donald Trump, and Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge, and ‘Insert any other celebrity reality program here.’

4 Responses to “Amber Alert”

  1. Sara McCormick Says:

    I love this. Is this a weekly update?
    Where is the paper? Will there be a new one soon?
    S

  2. Ame Says:

    Bio-dome is as A-List as it gets.

  3. B Says:

    Is it just that special salt-water look or is McConaughey bringing back the mullet?

  4. Amber Alert Says:

    Matthew can any bring any look back. I have my fingers crossed that the next style he sports is something resembling either a pompadour, or the ‘flock of seagulls’ cut.

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